I can remember how soft her skin was. She laid with me in the recovery room after my c-section, I can remember her skin, her warmth, the angel kiss on her forehead. I can remember being so exhausted but feeling like a child on Christmas morning. I couldn’t wait to introduce her to her siblings. I couldn’t wait to sit up and really examine this girl. My Clara.
When Clara laughs, my heart breaks. I don’t know how else to explain it, I realize it sounds morbid but it’s really not. It’s just beautiful. She has this smile that is so big and so real, and I swear her eyes twinkle, I’m not kidding you, they twinkle. And those twinkly eyes look at mine with that giant, radiant, genuine smile. And then my heart shatters. It aches. Every time she smiles this way I think “this is it, this is the most beautiful moment of my life…” And then it happens again and again and I realize quickly that really this just makes me so lucky to get all of these beautiful moments from this beautiful child.
Don’t get me wrong…Clara is stubborn and she yells and she doesn’t like to eat tacos or tomatoes, she’s like any other child, but she’s my baby. And she always will be, even when she insists that she’s not a baby, but she’s my baby and I love that she’s mine.
As I’ve done with all of my children since they turned three, I interviewed Clara the night before her birthday. This girl is such a character. She sat on the bed with me and answered my questions but really she just wanted to play with the dog but after much REFOCUSING, she answered my questions. Some of her answers made me laugh so hard, which made her laugh so hard…there was a lot of eye twinkling going on…
Hi Clara. Hi mama.
What is tomorrow? it’s my birthday.
How old are you going to be? 4
Are you a little excited or a lot excited? A LOT.
What are you going to do tomorrow on your birthday? I’m go to preschool, I’m going to the orchard, I’m going to get apples and pumpkins.
What do you want for your birthday? a vacuum cleaner, a bouncy house and a yo-yo.
Who do you love? I love mom and grandma and Windy, Anna and Oma.
And what is your favorite color? Pink
What is your favorite food? macaroni n cheese
What is your favorite fruit? apples
What is your favorite vegetable? mushrooms, green peppers and pizza.
What is your favorite animal? um…a camel.
What is your favorite thing to play? House.
Why do you love Anna so much? cause she takes care of me, she kisses me and hugs and throws me.
Why do you love Noah so much? cause he plays with me.
Why do you love Eli so much? Cause he plays house with me and Minecraft
What is your favorite sport? Um…Wipeout
And what is your favorite bug? a bee
And why do you love your mama? cause mama gets harper out and she plays with me with ipads and plays with me. And sings to me before bed.
What is your favorite song? We are Young. (glee version)
How much do you love your Mama? um a lot, bigger than a camel.